I’m going Orange. I feel like all of the others would naturally follow.
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Black one for sure. You could get away with some amazing heists/pranks/achievements.
And they’ll be waiting for you in Tarana Albania, every time.
Everywhere? The first thing I would do is take a 3 month vacation and scout the entire city.
Best chances are to bribe the politicians and police, then you can get away with a lot.
Showing up with armfuls of bribes each time should help.
Staying anonymous would be the best way though, especially if your goings try it more than once.
Nobody said your stuff teleports. Just you. Don’t be greedy.
It didn’t say that anywhere. Next thing is that the dog doesn’t actually speak Cantonese but only understands it.
This is like the inverse of the trope of genies twisting your wish around.
His barks are the equivalent of the barks of a actual dog in Cantonese speaking regions.
Speaks Cantonese, but the “dog accent” is so thick that nobody can understand
That goes for clothes too. So you arrive nude.
If you have the confidence to pull it off, you’ll get the party started every single time.
Spawn camping
You get a 5 second invulnerability when you spawn though, so just start blastin
Only if they knew that’s where I went
I think they’d catch on to me after I got flagged 5 times in one year leaving Albania with no record of entering the country in between.
Albania will probably join the eu in 2030. Wait 5 years, then simply live somewhere in the eu, maybe even do most of your crimes in the eu, and you won’t ever run into border checks.
get an apartment closest to the teleport place, travelling is now cheaper as you never have to worry about the way back.
The teleport place is Tirana, Albania. Nobody said the same spot in Tirana, Albania every time. Your real estate investment was rash and very rarely saves you time. But it does increase in value a tiny bit, so eh you’re fine.
still useful for international travel, no need to get a return ticket.
You wouldn’t need a parachute to go skydiving either. Just teleport yourself before you hit the ground.
Unless your momentum doesn’t reset.
Can’t you just keep teleporting till you’re close enough to your home?
Good point. Though it might be taxing on your body?
Red.
Simply say “oh, its a full moon tonight?” Then look at them with your now piercingly red eyes and state “I must leave, immediately.”
Get out of any social situation and you can get your friends to think you’re hiding some big secret. Win win.
Or “don’t make me angry, you wouldn’t like me when I’m angry” while turning your eyes green
“but I like big strong angry and mysterious guys uwu”
“well this has backfired”
Why bother if you could simply teleport to Tirana and back afterwards ?
There’s no “and back” included
Oh, shit. Good catch. I almost died.
Happy to help, Happened to me already. Monkey’s paw -ass meme
I do love how many problems this solves. Very nearly all of them, potentially.
ur telling me I can get a /home command and all I need to do is become Albanian?
People here talk about doing crime with the black pill, but I would instead just be the perfect astronaut.
Think about it, they could shoot you in space without having to think about how to get you back. No landing, no parachute, just a one way rocket launch.
Space agencies would be practically forced to hire you on the spot.
You underestimate the vastness of space and the reach we have with current technology.
Not having to worry about return frees up a lot of delta-v budget. Less need for supplies frees up more. It’d massively improve payload.
Can you bring anything with you? Is it a naked thing or do you bring clothes? What counts as clothes? Can you ‘wear’ a two tonne rock? Etc
Anything you bring back has to be internal.
Alllll the way up, Morty.
make it a 1 ton rock
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Is skin internal?
Yes but it sounds like it is going to be more useful for scientist than it is going to be for you who will be left with the boredom.
“Albanian Transporter” would be a pretty sick nickname of an assassin whose movements seem to defy the laws of physics.
Sounds like a perverse sex move to me.
The problem being that if your are out of the country (and you can’t teleport back to anywhere else), you now need to explain to the authorities how you managed to get in without a movement record.
Although it might be useful if you are a local and just need to dodge a bullet or escape a mugging by random teleportation.
Pink, because then you can fold Queen Elizabeth II into a whale giving head
God save… What the fuck?
Just how we do things down under mate
That whale has million dollar pearl lips
Obviously I’m teleporting to Albania.
One time I was in Spain and I found 5 Australian dollars on the floor in a train station. I picked it up and pocketed it. The same day, I climbed a bell tower in some museum/remains and was chilling up there for half an hour, without anybody else coming up. Eventually another person came up and said hi. Recognised they were Australian so I asked them if they wanted 5 dollars and they said “…yeah?” And I gave it to them. No explanation.
I laugh sometimes thinking of the story from their perspective, climbing a Spanish bell tower and meeting an English guy at the top who hands them 5AUD, like a NPC in an RPG.
And teleport back back, right?
… Right?
I didn’t take it that way. It’s still super useful. Bribe their government to not say shit and try to keep a low profile. I don’t know how fucked your passport would look though…
Bribe em a little more and you’ll just be a frequent flyer
Bribe em to get into Schengen.
Unless you already live in the Schengen area, then if Albania ever joins the EU as it is talking about doing right now…
Then you can be a package business on your own. “Anything from anywhere to Tirana”
The black teleport one. You rob a bank and then teleport away so you can’t be tracked? The means of escape is usually how they track you down. So, suddenly being able to teleport thousands of miles in a moment?
Also, it’d be really useful for interstellar stuff. You only need enough fuel, food, and air to go one way. Strap me onto the rocket to Mars! I’d even hop back with huge sacks of Mars rocks to give to NASA. We’ve figured out the trek to Mars, its the getting back that’s been the problem.
If I could teleport other people into a Tool music video, this wins hands down.
Quite a lot are picking Tirana.
I suspect there’ll be some telefragging in the future.
Black. I could do anything far away from Albania, teleport there, have three cctv cameras and 9 guys at a pub confirm was there having a drink with them in the evening the 23rd and could definitely not have been robbing a jewelery store in Copenhagen at the same time.
You can rob one store. Afterwards you can’t enter the EU without interpol arresting you.
They would have to figure out how I could be impossibly far away soon after the crime to a judge to get the warrant and then to a jury to get me convicted.
Had to look it up. Albania is in the final stages of joining the EU anyway so that won’t be too much of a problem.
Talking dog, it’s so obviously talking dog
I feel like you could easily just make money off their TV performances… Wait is the dog like as smart as a person? Isn’t going to start demanding that it sign its own contracts and have its own bank account? That could get old fast.
Why are people obsessed with using the dog to get money or women or whatever? It’s a talking fucking dog!! That’s a cool ass pet I wanna chill with my cool talking dog.
I think the conversation wouldn’t be very stimulating and it would get old fast.
“Got any more treats?”
No.
“Wanna touch me a little?”
NO.
“…can I hump your leg a little, at least?”
Nobody would believe it. They’d accuse you of faking it a la Milli Vanilli. You have a talking dog, a literal miracle, and yet people would mock and criticize. Depressed, you’d turn to alcohol. The good shit, sure–that dog made you a little money, after all–but paying more for your poison only makes it drain all of your resources that much faster. You’re a husk of your former self.
But you’ve still got your dog who still loves you unconditionally, against all odds. :)
Having a dog that speaks Cantonese would be a great way to get a girlfriend that speaks both English and Cantonese, and make a shit ton of money as the dog talks to people, and the girlfriend translates.
How do you know she isn’t mistranslating your messages to the dog to make it think she’s on its side? You’ve got an awful lot of trust…
Who cares, if the money flows in? Even if both dog and and girlfriend are lying about the words, the audience will eat it up and pay for the extra entertainment!
You might not appreciate what they have to say as much as you expect. Let’s just put it that way.
Is this a reference to something I don’t get? Because I dunno how talking dog is some monkeys paw cursed blessing just because it speaks Cantonese. I don’t speak Cantonese, but, like 80 million other people do. So I could learn.
Nobody said it was negative. It simply is what it is. The dog speaks Cantonese. Take it or leave it.
Red, can I also change each eye to a different colour?
Sure, why not, go crazy.
