I just realized I didn’t know any Americans
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Existential dread
What does it taste like?
Cinnamon Toast Crunch
Coffee and pills
I feel personally attacked.
Same. Sometimes I’ll add in a bagel with cream cheese and tomato.
I don’t eat. I run on thoughts, prayers, and the power of friendship.
Poor guy starved to death. 😔
See it’s funny because whether you believe Ferrety or not the joke works.
I read fried shrimp instead of friendship at first.
I love a nice breakfast burrito.
Ooh. What goes in the burrito?
Breakfast
Egg, potato, cheese, chorizo, hatch green chile, wrapped in a large tortilla. If you’re not a green chile guy, grab some red chile powder and make some red chile sauce and pour that on everything right before rolling.
Imagining zote eating a burrito is so funny
Usually potato, egg, cheese, and a protein (e.g. chicken, sausage, beef, beans, etc.)
Leftover burrito bowl and eggs
The scraps of my children’s uneaten breakfasts, so:
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half an egg sandwich
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the dregs of a bowl of oatmeal with maple syrup, mixed with whatever unsyruped oatmeal I can scrape out of the pot
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about four apple slices and half a bagel
on days my spouse cooks breakfast. When I cook, everyone eats pancakes.
pancakes with or without maple syrup?
They all eat theirs with maple, mine with butter and black pepper.
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Usually nothing. When I do have breakfast it’s either pancakes and eggs or milk and cereal. Every now and then I get a wild hair and have oatmeal.
Technically nothing, but I do have coffee at the office.
Except on Thursday. That’s doughnut day.
“Benefits package”
Uh huh huh huh. You said package.
Ctrl-F’d for doughnuts.
It sounds bizzare from where I am, but I do have to admit it’s not that different from a pastry.
Honestly, my favorite “doughnuts” aren’t doughnuts at all. We get a variety, and I go for the cinnamon rolls, fritters or eclairs before I’d grab an actual doughnut.
Also, most Americans can’t spell doughnut, so you’re better off ctrl-fing for donut.
I did that first. One other mention, but right alongside pastries, maybe because OP knew other places think of them as unsuitable for a full meal.
Nine cans of ravioli.
I call bs. No one wants to admit they ate nine cans of ravioli…
The fourth and fifth, I think I burned with a blowtorch.
I don’t generally eat breakfast. I honestly don’t know how people do it, when I wake up the last thing I want to do is eat.
We tend to eat breakfast using mouth
You don’t buttchug food?! Absolutely barbaric.
Please buttchug is trashy. Real mature adults butt slurp there food
Tips fedora
M’anus
Lol
If you would have breakfast regularly it will probably be the opposite. Eating is all about regularity and habituation.
Coffee and cigarettes
Sounds very french lol
Bien sûr!
Expresso gauloise sans filtre
I find the lack of cheese in the comments very concerning.
Leftovers often feature cheese
Omelet au fromage
I rarely eat cheese now because my LDLs were high. :(
What’s your favorite cheese for breakfast and why is it comté??
Comté (FTFY) - Now you can impress all of your friends with your knowledge of good cheese AND spelling!
That’s how you know I’m French, I don’t know how to spell my own language and no one truly does. Too many homonyms… makes it hard.
Compte, conte, comté, condé, dégonder…
Please marry me.
Cheese for breakfast is crazy, unless you’re talking cream cheese on a bagel or melted cheese on a breakfast sandwich.
bagel and cream cheese, with coffee.
I rarely eat breakfast, but if I feel like getting a treat on my morning break at work there’s nothing better than a toasted everything bagel with sliced onion, tomato, and cream cheese… Well, lox could make it better, but I’m not getting a $15 bagel lol
It’s sooooo damn goooood…
We used to have a sandwich shop at my office that would do lox and veggies on a bagel for maybe $6. They also had an avocado bagel for $4. They were replaced by a Starbucks in a different building on campus and it’s not as good and more expensive.
When job hunting, I will genuinely check to see which office has the best bagel shop in walking distance.
Mmm. I’ve been eating better, but I miss my toasted salt & pepper bagels with butter and cream cheese🤤
Anxiety and despair
Rather than tell you what I personally eat, maybe it will be useful to know what American diners serve for breakfast. You can walk into any locally-owned diner anywhere in the country and order from a menu almost exactly like this:
- Breakfast Combo: Two eggs (scrambled, fried, or over easy/medium/hard), meat (bacon, sausage links, steak, or ham), and a carb (pancakes, toast, a biscuit, or hash browns)
- Biscuits and Gravy: Two biscuits with sausage gravy over the top. Sometimes served with an egg.
- Pancakes: A short stack is 2 and a tall stack is 4. Served with maple syrup.
- Skillet/Omelet: Eggs scrambled with onions, bell peppers, cheese, and meat. An alternate version, sometimes called “loaded hash browns,” uses hash browns instead of eggs.
- Breakfast Burrito: An omelet wrapped up in a tortilla. May be smothered with red or green chili sauce for a Tex-Mex spin.
- Oatmeal: Boiled oats with fruit, granola, syrup, etc.
- Eggs Benedict: Poached egg on an English muffin with ham and hollandaise sauce.
And then each diner will have their own “famous” specialty, like stuffed French toast, “home fries” (pan-fried potato chunks), huge pancakes, or sausage made in house. It’s hard to go wrong though, American breakfasts are consistently pretty tasty.
American Diner breakfasts are not anything like people’s daily meals.
Says who? In a typical month I make myself most of the above at least once.
If you wanna try something different but really good, a lot of breakfast places near me have a variant of Eggs Benedict usually called something like Irish Eggs Benedict, which replaces the ham with corn beef hash. Add a side of home fries, and you’ve got something that’ll really stick to your ribs and keep you full and happy for half the day.
