I know someone who might be a narcissist. Maybe I could exploit this vulnerability to expose him. You know, just to test my suspicions. Could just say something that mildly challenges his ego and see how he responds. If he menages to keep his cool like a normal person, then my hypothesis was wrong and I don’t have to be so suspicious of him any more.
What are you hoping to achieve? If you don’t like this person and they make you feel tense, unworthy, and like you’re walking on eggshells, you don’t need to “prove” they’re a narcissist. Even if they’re just an asshole, the solution is the same. Stop talking to them and leave.
There’s this guy who talks way too much about himself and how he is right about something and how other people don’t get it and so on. I was just wondering if I should start avoiding him like the plague.
Careful. Skillful Narcissists can be quite adept at keeping their cool in public (to maintain their positive public image) while simultaneously planning their complete and total revenge on you - smear campaign, sabotaging relationships, setting up traps, lobbing false accusations, messing with your employment, messing with your spouse, vexatious lawsuits, the works.
If you play with a Narcissist, be prepared to go ALL THE WAY when you dance with them. Complete and total WARFARE. One party survives and conquers, the other is absolutely DESTROYED. It’s how they do things.
Really, unless you have some compelling reason to do so, the only winning move is not to play.
Grey rocking is the best strategy to get rid of all annoying people. Do not engage, do not give them any fuel, do not give them any satisfaction. Be as boring and unexciting as you can possibly be until they lose interest in you.
Yep. They’ll sometimes flare up at first, trying to get a rise out of you; but keep steady with grey rock, remain disinterested and disengaged, and they will move on to other targets. It usually doesn’t take long.
Hmm… That is a good point. Seems like a risky experiment.
The idea with this test setup is based on the idea that the result could potentially provide new information instead of just confirming what I already believe to be true. An inferior experiment would just involve mild flattery, but that can only result in confirmation bias instead of rejecting a hypothesis. Not my favorite type of experiment.
I guess a more passive observational approach is the way to go in this case.
I’m with Photuris, it’s a much more complicated game than you might expect, and they’ve been playing it their whole lives.
Rule #1 is to preserve your image at all times. Which means not flipping out in public.
Rule #2 is that everything is someone else’s fault. Which means if you call them out in public, they will cry and ask why you are so mean to them. Instant sympathy, and you look like the asshole, and assuming you yourself are not a narcissist, you’ll probably feel like an asshole too.
Most likely, if they really are a narcissist, you’ll try your test, think they aren’t, and look really bad in front of everyone.
May I just ask, out of pure curiosity, who is this person to you? I mean to understand why you care enough to conduct any kind of tests or whatever.
If they’re bad company, simply avoid and disengage. Why waste energy and time in fragile attempts at proving something that isn’t exactly provable with ordinary means? Like why even think about all this in the first place?
If it’s personal in that you feel slighted by them, I’d still recommend not engaging in weird tests or similar behavior. You’ll ultimately learn nothing useful and will have spent your time and energy for basically nothing. I get that you might be very driven by whatever the reason is, but maybe if you take a step back, breathe a moment, you might be able to re-evaluate whether this is actually important and worth your effort.
You only have the time you have, and the energy you have. It’s very limited. I just wanted to step in and suggest you might spend it doing something pleasing and positive instead. You’ll be better off, I ensure you.
Just a random coworker, nothing more important than that. We’re not even on any projects together, and I think I would rather keep it that way.
Having thought about this case a bit more, the risks are definitely uncomfortably high. Avoiding him seems like the best option. Besides, he rambles on an on about some drama that isn’t really helpful in my job anyway. Not really the kind of person I need around me.
Hmmm… That gives me an idea.
I know someone who might be a narcissist. Maybe I could exploit this vulnerability to expose him. You know, just to test my suspicions. Could just say something that mildly challenges his ego and see how he responds. If he menages to keep his cool like a normal person, then my hypothesis was wrong and I don’t have to be so suspicious of him any more.
What are you hoping to achieve? If you don’t like this person and they make you feel tense, unworthy, and like you’re walking on eggshells, you don’t need to “prove” they’re a narcissist. Even if they’re just an asshole, the solution is the same. Stop talking to them and leave.
There’s this guy who talks way too much about himself and how he is right about something and how other people don’t get it and so on. I was just wondering if I should start avoiding him like the plague.
Conducting experiments on people to test suspicions sounds like something a sociopath would do so maybe your friend is in good company /s
Careful. Skillful Narcissists can be quite adept at keeping their cool in public (to maintain their positive public image) while simultaneously planning their complete and total revenge on you - smear campaign, sabotaging relationships, setting up traps, lobbing false accusations, messing with your employment, messing with your spouse, vexatious lawsuits, the works.
If you play with a Narcissist, be prepared to go ALL THE WAY when you dance with them. Complete and total WARFARE. One party survives and conquers, the other is absolutely DESTROYED. It’s how they do things.
Really, unless you have some compelling reason to do so, the only winning move is not to play.
Of course, not playing can also be something they view as hostile.
Grey rocking is the best strategy to get rid of all annoying people. Do not engage, do not give them any fuel, do not give them any satisfaction. Be as boring and unexciting as you can possibly be until they lose interest in you.
Yep. They’ll sometimes flare up at first, trying to get a rise out of you; but keep steady with grey rock, remain disinterested and disengaged, and they will move on to other targets. It usually doesn’t take long.
Hmm… That is a good point. Seems like a risky experiment.
The idea with this test setup is based on the idea that the result could potentially provide new information instead of just confirming what I already believe to be true. An inferior experiment would just involve mild flattery, but that can only result in confirmation bias instead of rejecting a hypothesis. Not my favorite type of experiment.
I guess a more passive observational approach is the way to go in this case.
I’m with Photuris, it’s a much more complicated game than you might expect, and they’ve been playing it their whole lives.
Rule #1 is to preserve your image at all times. Which means not flipping out in public.
Rule #2 is that everything is someone else’s fault. Which means if you call them out in public, they will cry and ask why you are so mean to them. Instant sympathy, and you look like the asshole, and assuming you yourself are not a narcissist, you’ll probably feel like an asshole too.
Most likely, if they really are a narcissist, you’ll try your test, think they aren’t, and look really bad in front of everyone.
Thanks for the advice. I better be cautious with this one.
May I just ask, out of pure curiosity, who is this person to you? I mean to understand why you care enough to conduct any kind of tests or whatever.
If they’re bad company, simply avoid and disengage. Why waste energy and time in fragile attempts at proving something that isn’t exactly provable with ordinary means? Like why even think about all this in the first place?
If it’s personal in that you feel slighted by them, I’d still recommend not engaging in weird tests or similar behavior. You’ll ultimately learn nothing useful and will have spent your time and energy for basically nothing. I get that you might be very driven by whatever the reason is, but maybe if you take a step back, breathe a moment, you might be able to re-evaluate whether this is actually important and worth your effort.
You only have the time you have, and the energy you have. It’s very limited. I just wanted to step in and suggest you might spend it doing something pleasing and positive instead. You’ll be better off, I ensure you.
Just a random coworker, nothing more important than that. We’re not even on any projects together, and I think I would rather keep it that way.
Having thought about this case a bit more, the risks are definitely uncomfortably high. Avoiding him seems like the best option. Besides, he rambles on an on about some drama that isn’t really helpful in my job anyway. Not really the kind of person I need around me.