Not British monarch, Canadian monarch. They happen to be the same person at the moment and prior to now, but there is a constitutional process for changing our monarch and it doesn’t have to be linked at all to the British monarch. It’s difficult to achieve because of the level of support it requires but it’s at least technically possible.

Ironically D: is probably the face they were making when they realized what happened.

Perhaps it would work better as a series like The Office, although the Australian version was already set in Hell and it didn’t do so great, so maybe it’s best just to leave it on the shelf. The thought of seeing the office dimwit cenobite spilling a vat of chili made from human entrails would be a sight to see though.

Nah, in Hellraiser 2 a mental patient at a mental ward who happened to be good at puzzles was forced to open the box and the centobutes recognized that she had no idea what she was doing beyond executing the dry movements of the Lament. She didn’t have any desire to explore the realms beyond earthly pleasure and sensation in dimensions far past human comprehension beyond not wanting to get in trouble with her captors. It’s not raw desire for just any ol’ thing. the cenobites seek out, it’s a particular desire.

In modern times, the kids would probably be having meet ups and tournaments for speed cubing with this puzzle box, and there’d be YouTube channels dedicated to algos and strats and the poor cenbites would be worked to the bone if they didn’t have those mental filters in place.

If Hellraiser wants to go meta in a future instalment, they can steal this idea. Have the cenobites be forced to industrialize their system, with puzzle boxes constantly being opened and the cenobites having to vet the openers at such a rapid pace that they need to work in shifts…

A tired and weary cenobite arrives back to his home after a long day of false positives. His partner asks him, “no hits today honey?”

“Not a one. There was one that I thought had potential but her desire was a new PR and not a consciousness-rending excursion to the outer realms of earthly sensation. Story of my life.”

“You’ll land one soon, dear. There’s someone out there right now, some world weary hedonist who’s exhausted his options for earthly pleasures and just received his own puzzle box and is going to hit up some YouTube tutorials, hon, I just know it. You’ll see.”

“I sure hope so, babe. Leviathan has been dragging us the last few weeks, and usually they’re pretty chill but I think the higher dimensional beings upstairs are looking at the quarterlies….”

“We’ll pull through dear. Remember that last big account? The billionaire?”

“That guy… yeah his suffering was legendary. That was honestly my best work in years. Wrecked Rectum of the Year candidate, remember?”

“I remember.”

“Glorious…. Such agony… anyways, we should get dinner started yes?”

The first few were good and I rewatched the first two relatively recently. They dropped off pretty hard starting with 3 though yeah? I haven’t watched the reboot but really should do so, but I don’t know if I can stand to watch one without Doug Bradley.

“It is not hands that summon us, it is desire.”

If you have no wish to summon the cenobites, it might be no more dangerous than a Rubik’s cube, but there’s probably some horrible catch where even if you’re 99.99999% sure you want nothing to do with ‘em they can probably still pull out some hellish unfathomably small print legalese on you.

A similar thing happened in my neck of the woods in 1925. Sounds familiar: unionized miners go on strike, company cuts off all credit to the company stores that they controlled, things become heated, company police shoot into crowds of miners killing one and wounding others, tensions increase, the military is brought in, and the dispute finally ends after a provincial election and recognition of the legitimacy of the union. Flash forward to today and the mines are all but shut down and many are museums, but the incident is still recognized every year as a local holiday.

Songs have been written, stories told.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vs3ehG0xL58

His… deep… crack?

Along with Mike Myers, we need Wayne Campbell back. Myers has said many times that Wayne was Canadian in character although the lore had to say he was from Aurora, Illinois because he needed to be American to get into SNL. Make up a new storyline that he was born in Canada to Canadian parents who moved to the states when he was young or something.

Speaking of which, we need the MacKenzie brothers back too. Bring back Great White North. Coo-ooo-coo-coo-coo-coo-coo-cooooo…. Coo-ooo-coo-coo-coo-coo-coo-coooooooooo….

Bought a new computer, threw the old one out.