YoiksAndAway

Bland wafer Catholic checking in. You would think ritual cannibalism would be a bit spicier.

GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER, BLUE!

When I was in grad school in Buffalo, I lived near the giraffe pens of the Buffalo Zoo on Amherst Street (if you’re familiar with Buffalo, you know exactly where this is). I used to park across the street from my apartment in Delaware Park, right near the zoo. One morning, I go to my car to go to work, and there’s a peacock. Not in the zoo, but just hanging out in the park. As soon as I got to work that morning, I called the zoo, thinking I’d be a hero for reporting a wild animal escape, and they were like, “Oh, yeah, thanks. He’s been getting out a lot because there’s a truck over there he likes. We’ll send someone out this afternoon to get him.”

I learned 3 things:

1. Peacock escapes are not uncommon.
2. Peacocks like trucks.
3. Peacock escapes do not require immediate action, in fact, if reported first thing in the morning, somebody might get around to retrieving him in the afternoon.

I see the dilemma here. On the one hand, it’s a very important moment in his relationship with his son. On the other hand, tacos.

He looks a lot like one of our boys. He’s a distinguished, older gentleman.

Cool! This guy changed how I use my dishwasher.

“I CAN’T HEAR YOU!”

No, I’m pretty sure you did.

And Jim Banks isn’t even the dumbest Republican in the Senate. That honor goes to Tommy Tuberville, hands down.

I can already feel the broken wrist I could get from this post.

No problem! I can just kill the process in the…shit.

Demon Core – It’s what’s for dinner!

Maybe it’s just me. Years ago, my friends and I would meet at Buffalo Wild Wings for a weekly trivia night, and somebody would play it several times a night every week. Enough that it has led to a lifelong aversion to that song in particular and Meat Loaf in general.

Paradise by the Dashboard Light gives you a lot of bang for your buck. I’m not sure if it’s 20 minutes long or if it just seems that way.

Trophies are weird. You work your ass off to be the best bowler, pickle ball player, or ball gargler and then they’re like, “Awesome! Here’s a big, cheap, ugly piece of shit to dust once a week.”

When we had our birds I used to say that food didn’t turn bad in our house, it just slowly turned into chicken food. In your house it turns into Dad’s dinner.

A relationship is a constant state of socialized french fries.

Looking at you, Adobe Acrobat.

Por que no los dos?

Any Infocom game, for that matter. Zork II and Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy were fun, too.

That sucks. As a member of the of the American military, you are required to stand and salute the flag of all friendly countries during their national anthem. As a veteran, I am proud to stand and give the civilian salute (hand over heart) for the national anthem of all friendly countries. I was always embarrassed by my fellow Americans who didn’t show their allies proper respect.